I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
