as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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