I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
