peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
please don't ironically join a cult
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