i already hear my dad disowning me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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