you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
