she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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