If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
