We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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