I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
