Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so much tequila, so little girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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