He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize