Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
