Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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