I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
