someone threw a dead crab at me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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