maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
