dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
