is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize