We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
