im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
