I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize