i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
