We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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