Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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