She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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