sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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