Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
