He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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