I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
