She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
