have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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