Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize