The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
