It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
