dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
