I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
