i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
