i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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