5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
