WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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