I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
