Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
