I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
