i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
