Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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