Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
