Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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