Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
