Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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