I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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