True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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