I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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