I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
