So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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