every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
