I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
