Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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