So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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