i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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