Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
