I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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