Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
