he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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