my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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