I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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