Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
