Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
