I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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