Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize