smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
