FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
