I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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