the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
