my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
