Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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