So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
