After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
