long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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