are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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