I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
