she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
