jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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