You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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