The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
