I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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