She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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