I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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