he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
