I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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