at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize