just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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