His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
