There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
