they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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