is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
