I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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