I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
