I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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