This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
