all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
