chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
