When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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