just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
