Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
