Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize